Tuesday, June 06, 2006

Romance in the air...with a touch of regret....

It was a tempting, sexy weather....when we girls stepped out for a walk...it was windy, slightly cold, cloudy and immensely romantic...pointing to an impending romantic evening and a slight sense of regret.
Because you see - evenings should not be ‘romantic’, not when he is not around.
It was nine years back when I first realized that he remembered me when the weather was romantic. Also, it didn’t matter, how the evening was, he always thought that it was romantic if spent with me. I chose to say that it was ‘interesting’ if spent with him. Yet, when the sky became steely grey or when it suddenly cleared away by a gust of cool wind to reveal the blue underneath and the trees were lit up golden, I wished I had someone to share the ‘crazy’ feeling I felt within. This ‘crazy’ feeling, which as is usual for all people in love, is indefinable, and I can only say that it is a feeling which drives you on to make the best of that moment lest it passes away too fast. I am glad he was with me during those times, because he added something extra to my restlessness, when he convinced me that getting drenched in the rain is fun and there’s no one to stop me if I wanted to get drenched…when he let me walk all the small paths which I would not have done if I were alone…when we shared stupid stories from childhood…and counted stars and leaves of trees…
A few more months, or maybe a year later I felt the same as he did. I missed him on ‘romantic’ evenings, and my evenings were ‘romantic’ when I was with him. It is strange how evenings are usually said to be ‘romantic’, nights ‘passionate’ and mornings ‘exciting’…wonder what you call a life – is it a combination of all three and more?
Some years have gone by and I fervently hope that the remaining years of my life will be as special and happy with him as these beginning years. I also fervently hope that evenings are not ‘romantic’, at least not during the weekdays, because I cannot share it with him.
I feel the moment passing away, and it does not pass so fast as I used to think before…it passes slowly, making you regret each second that you cannot share it with each other…I wish then that he did not so totally engulf my life, my senses, my dreams…that everything I think, feel, or dream, revolves round him. Maybe this is called ‘clinging’, or ‘dependency’…that somehow reduces that elusive ‘space’ in a relationship…
Yet, the feeling lingers and surfaces every time the evening is ‘romantic’…I love the feeling, yet I hate the regret, which goes with it…
Evenings should not be ‘romantic’…not when he is not around..


Blogger Anshuman Ghosh said...

well well well ... thats pretty well written !
normally i stay away from topics of this domain .. but i read this one till the end :-D

Tue Jun 06, 12:47:00 AM  
Blogger Aparna said...

Thanks :)

Tue Jun 06, 01:40:00 AM  
Anonymous Spiral Architect said...

hmm...i never believe in evenings being romantic...being in a city where evenings are def wet or slightly chilly, i never did get that feeling. Though i must say that i do kinda feel or miss my partner, but it is never related to moments in time defined by weather
Now that does not mean that its a dumb feeling, i guess it means that i must not be seeing the moment right.
We do feel really excited at the prospect of rains coz both of us like walkin in the rain...it something that we did when we first met and i guess this way we relive that particular moment

Tue Jun 06, 02:28:00 AM  
Blogger Aparna said...

I know what you mean...different things bring different memories to different people....and sometimes some feelings are not even related to a person...it is just an idea...it is almsot like feeling romantic just for the heck of it...bein in love with the idea of being in love!!!

Tue Jun 06, 04:27:00 AM  
Blogger KoPoS said...

lurved that touch of personal touch to it. feels as though i am the one talking.

keep penning.

Wed Jun 07, 10:53:00 PM  
Blogger Mita said...

Read your blog... Felt as if it was a part of me speaking out:)

Fri Jun 16, 04:22:00 PM  

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