Monday, November 20, 2006

Miss you...

I dreamt of my father on Saturday night.
I was talking to an old friend probably, we were discussing about his CV and how I could forward it to my company, when I sensed a movement in my house, and turning back from the gate in front, where I had been standing, I found my father there, with a jhola on his shoulder, in half sleeved cream shirt and black trouser, smiling apologetically. As I turned to him, he gestured that I could continue talking to my friend, he would come back later.
I ran to him, unheeding his gestures. "Where are you going? Some trip?"
"Yes, I am going away...to the other side."
"Other side?" I could sense the meaning, and wanted him to say something to negate it.
"Yes," he nodded and gestured towards the horizon. "The other side. It's now time to go."
I hugged him as tightly as I could. "Don't go baba, stay with me! I want to stay with you, please..."
"I can't," he smiled. "There's no time. I have to go."
I wanted to scream, I wanted to keep him back. All I could see was that he was going away, in a simple cream shirt, with a small jhola like the teacher that he was, with a smile, without any complaints towards me.
Me...who now lives so far from him...that she needs to plan out holidays to visit him.

I woke up sobbing loudly and I called home the next morning.
He was fine. I was relieved.
But for the last few days, the guilt of being away has not left me yet....

9 Comments:

Blogger babasko said...

I am so glad that I up to now never had a dream like that. Living a busy life away from my family leaves me with enough longing and guilt as is :-)

Mon Nov 20, 05:23:00 AM  
Blogger Aparna said...

Yeah Babasko, probabaly it's the guilt which caused this dream....

Mon Nov 20, 09:25:00 PM  
Blogger Monika said...

i can understand we have made ourselves so busy in life that we hardly have time for anything else... and once in a while the guilt and frustation of that comes out in a dream like this...

don't fret over it... pledge to call him everyday if it's not possible to visit him very often

and may be live a healthy life for 100 yrs...

Mon Nov 20, 10:22:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Wow, it's hard to be away from the ones you love. That must have been a very traumatic dream, and like you said, it was the guilt you feel that caused it. I agree with monika, keep calling and stay in touch as much as you possibly can. And always tell him how much you love him.

Tue Nov 21, 04:41:00 AM  
Blogger Aparna said...

@Monika and Anon: Thanks for your wishes.
I have never blogged about something which had touched me so much...but I suppose, in today's life, we cannot always be with our parents.

Tue Nov 21, 05:37:00 AM  
Blogger sanjay jha said...

nameste aparna,
may be you are missing him,i think you want to visit him...
such dreams only makes us restless,
thank you for sharing it
cheers
jhaji.

Tue Nov 21, 11:18:00 PM  
Blogger Aparna said...

@Sanjay: thanks for dropping in.
Yes, I always miss him :(

Wed Nov 22, 12:17:00 AM  
Blogger Anshuman Ghosh said...

I have had similar dreams, only to get up and move around the house like a zombie, silent all day.

My dreams are often about a "loss".. dunno what they mean though. They used to be mroe frequent earlier on.. somehow stopped dreaming over last couple of years.. maybe cause I sleep much more easy and deeper nowadays ? Dunno again ...

Wed Nov 22, 03:19:00 AM  
Blogger Aparna said...

@Anshuman
I miss those dreamless nights. Ever since I left home for college and so on, I have had long, clear dreams...not a good sign.:)

Thu Nov 23, 11:25:00 PM  

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