Absolute surrender to grief...
Sadness carries with it an excess baggage
- the baggage of explaining why you are sad
Then, the patience to listen to why you should not be sad
All the time, a part of you agreeing to what the other person says....
Yet, resisting the 'silver lining' thrust at you,
Refusing to let anything take this moment of grief away from you...
Pushing away cheerful rays because you want to grieve...alone...
To grieve, uninterrupted, letting the gloom wash over you
Bundling you up in its wet warmth, so that you feel yourself melting into it
When the grief becomes you and you become the grief
Letting it fill you up and flow out of you
- And finally, feeling it leave you in soft ripples
A moment bereft of all feelings
To wait, for the precise time
When a patch of sun will be seen after the eclipse
- When birds start singing again
When I am sad, I usually push it away, trying to reach out to happy people, somewhat making it slightly clear that I need help, because I want to be so desperately happy now. I tune in to happy songs, happy smiles, happy vibes, all the time, the sadness gnawing somewhere.
I hate sad songs, almost all the times.
I avoid sad novels, movies with sad endings.
And then, suddenly today, I heard this song, which I had heard long back:
'Deewaron se milkar rona achchha lagta hain'
It felt like something I was waiting for, to draw me in, and fill me up.
Updated note:
On reading through what I wrote for grief, it suddenly felt as if I was describing the summer rain...so futile to resist, so warm and wet to get drenched in it, and so much of an in-between feeling if I run away from the first few drops to dry ground.....
- the baggage of explaining why you are sad
Then, the patience to listen to why you should not be sad
All the time, a part of you agreeing to what the other person says....
Yet, resisting the 'silver lining' thrust at you,
Refusing to let anything take this moment of grief away from you...
Pushing away cheerful rays because you want to grieve...alone...
To grieve, uninterrupted, letting the gloom wash over you
Bundling you up in its wet warmth, so that you feel yourself melting into it
When the grief becomes you and you become the grief
Letting it fill you up and flow out of you
- And finally, feeling it leave you in soft ripples
A moment bereft of all feelings
To wait, for the precise time
When a patch of sun will be seen after the eclipse
- When birds start singing again
When I am sad, I usually push it away, trying to reach out to happy people, somewhat making it slightly clear that I need help, because I want to be so desperately happy now. I tune in to happy songs, happy smiles, happy vibes, all the time, the sadness gnawing somewhere.
I hate sad songs, almost all the times.
I avoid sad novels, movies with sad endings.
And then, suddenly today, I heard this song, which I had heard long back:
'Deewaron se milkar rona achchha lagta hain'
It felt like something I was waiting for, to draw me in, and fill me up.
Updated note:
On reading through what I wrote for grief, it suddenly felt as if I was describing the summer rain...so futile to resist, so warm and wet to get drenched in it, and so much of an in-between feeling if I run away from the first few drops to dry ground.....
posted by Aparna at 2:48 AM
7 Comments:
That was very profound. I am wondering whether to offer chocolate again. I love that song too, by the way.
just happened to see your blog, did not go through your post completly. But your writting is very good...
If grief for grief can touch thee,
If answering woe for woe,
And when the world despises
When Heaven repels prayers
Will not angel comfort.!
then remember..
'There is no grief
which time does not lessen
or soften' -
so said Cicero, a man so often right;
a Stoic, those for whom
all life presents a lesson
to be learned from,
and then, to move on from.
carefully folded memories
brought out and loved
and lived a while...
not grief...but
the pure memory of grief
and behold,
life.
what is grief but a reflection of the situation...yes when grief hits change situation, move the elements around...there was a story told by one of my friends about a girl being saddened and went to her mother for solace. Mother took 3 things, a carrot, an egg and a coffee bean..she dropped each of these in separate vessels filled with water and boiled it for sometime....
she took the carrot out, took a pin and poked it...the pin went through and she told her daughter....the carrot was hard before both outside and inside..but after putting it through some difficult times it become soft at both sides...with the egg it was hard outside and soft inside and after boiling it, it became soft at both ends..
she then took the vessel and the coffee bean and took a pin to it and the pin broke...the bean was tough earlier and was tough even after boiling...but what it did was to change the environment around and produce coffee....she then told her daughter you can be a carrot, an egg or a bean and the decision is yours..but remember what the bean did and that is what some humans do...they turn grief into happiness by changing the circumstances around....hope this helps...cheers :)
Certainly says a lot. But the thing I like most is, that inspite of all this how you always have a smile on your face, and bring smiles to others' faces too. :) A very rare quality.. trust me !
Everyone, thanks a lot for the wonderful comments...this blog post seems to have inspired beautiful posts...
Hi Aparna,
Indeed very deep look into the emotion of sadness. I like your perspective and indeed being sad entails a lot more than just sulking and feeling blue.
Happiness is not found outside..it is within and if you draw yourself to all that brings happiness it would help you pull out that sleeping happiness somewhere within you.
So keep smiling and spreading your sun-shine which I believe you do always! Cheers and keep writing!
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